WE ARE OFFICIALLY WAITING!

As of January 3rd, we have been officially approved to adopt through Bethany, and are now officially waiting for our second child! YAY!

I've had a lot of people ask what happens next.
First, we have to get our profile books into the hands of the agency. I just ordered them, so they should make it to the Bethany office in a week or two. I am so very glad to be done with this project - it took an inordinate amount of my free time to get it done.

You can see our profile book HERE.

  To all people waiting on scarves, thank you for being patient with me! I have been spending so much time on this book, our paperwork, and holiday craziness that I haven't had as much time to crochet. But I am getting back on it now that we don't have as much to actively do.

Once Bethany has our books, they will show them to expectant mothers who would be a good match. Josh and I had to answer an extensive list of questions about what kind of birthmother/child we are looking for, and the birthmother also indicates her preferences. They show her any books that apply, and then she picks a family (or families) that she wants to meet. Ideally, they look at profile books in their 7th month of pregnancy. So we got our first email about profile showings for two expectant mothers in Augusta, and they are both due in March. So unless a birthmom decides really late in her pregnancy to make an adoption plan (which is possible but not likely), then March looks like the soonest our child would be born. But it could be years!

The spiritual intensity of this new season in our journey is already manifesting itself. Please pray for us as we will be regularly making decisions about who sees our profile book - we just want to make sure it lands in the right hands at the right time! But more than us, pray for the all the expectant moms considering adoption plans ... they have so much information to wade through, and such a weighty decision to make!

We will also be making an online profile as another way of exposing ourselves to women considering adoption plans. We are really only interested in in-state adoption, because interstate is too complicated (with Phoenix) and too expensive.

We are still deciding on how much we will communicate about potential babies. We don't necessarily want to sound the alarm if a birthmother picks us, because she may decide to parent (which would be great for her and great for the baby ... just hard on us).

Our next step? Applying for grants, fundraising, and praying a lot! We have $10,000 to raise - whoa. That includes possible pass-through medical expenses and the legal expenses. We are hoping to get picked for a grant that would not only make donations to our adoption tax-deductible, but also matches every dollar we raise up to $4,000. Unfortunately, that grant committee doesn't meet again until March 1st, so we might just hold off actively raising funds until that time.  We will keep you updated.

Thank you for all your support and encouragement - it blows my mind that we are actually at this point! God has been so very good to us!

Advent

'Waiting patiently in expectation is the foundation of the spiritual life."
- Simone Weil

Waiting on our second child is lending such depth to my experience of advent this year. I am honestly not sure I even have words for it yet. I just know that waiting with anticipation is one of the more complicated spiritual lessons I have every learned. Oh the waiting is hard ... my heart is groaning the way Paul describes in Romans 8. And I acknowledge that our wait has barely begun - we may have years ahead of us. But I wait with victory assured, clinging to a promise. It is a strange thing to be sure of the end while totally unsure of how it will be accomplished.

I have just the tiniest taste of what Israel must have felt in waiting for the coming Messiah. They knew He was coming, just not when or how. And I'm sure they couldn't have been more surprised by the way in which God chose to keep His promises.

Simone Weil was wise to include the word 'patiently' in her aforementioned description of the spiritual life. God is sowing patience into our hearts as we walk this journey, and I am thankful for it. It would come naturally for me to grow in bitterness as the days pass, beginning to doubt God's faithfulness in orchestrating our family. But, if we allow those seeds of patience to blossom, we can "live with greater confidence even though nothing has changed" (Tripp).

I am hoping that remaining days leading up to Christmas will afford me many more opportunities to learn what it means to wait well. And I am exceedingly thankful that God is faithful to His word, both in gifting my Savior and bringing our child.

An important side note:
We have rescheduled our home visit for December 14th ... that's just over a week away! God has been so good in providing for us, both through some unexpected gifts and a lot of unexpected extra work. Pray that some checks we are expecting come promptly, so that we don't have to reschedule again.
Also, GET PUMPED ... we sure are! It will be so encouraging to get that milestone under our belts and to get our profile book into the hands of potential birthmothers!

Scarves for Sale!

Reader's Digest Version:
Buy a scarf to help us grow our family.
$25 (add $3 for shipping if you need it sent to you). Pick your color of choice from photos below.
Email emily.cash@live.com with your desired color, and indicate if you need it for Xmas.
I will contact you.

Long, Drawn-Out Version:
So, I recently acquired a new skill ... crocheting scarves.
An incredibly talented friend of mine has been helping us to create branding for our adoption ... cool, right? And while talking through some of our fundraising plans, she suggested I could sell scarves. Only problem was, I didn't know how to make them. But she was gracious and patient in teaching me, and now I am ready to start makin' it rain by crocheting!

Honestly, we were trying to wait until our homestudy is finished to make any fundraising efforts ... that way, we would have one large, well-communicated push instead of multiple, potentially conflicting requests for support.

But since there are probably some people out there looking for a philanthropic (or maybe just beautiful) gift for a loved one, now seemed like the right time to sell scarves! So (just as a matter of clarification) if you want to support us, but don't really want a scarf, don't dismay. There will an opportunity later on!

So here is the skinny. They are chunky, loose knit infinity scarves. The one I am wearing in the photo below is doubled around my neck, but I can make it shorter for a single wrap if you prefer. (Sorry for the awkward self-portraiture)

The yarn is super soft (not at all itchy), and the loose crochet makes it look so delicate and pretty!
Here are the colors that I am currently offering.
(Again, sorry for the poor photo quality. It was a late Walmart run, and I could tell I was offending the fabric-section employee by putting the skeins on the ground.)

So there you go! Just email me (emily.cash@live.com) what you want, when you need it, and I will get back to you!

Much love.

Known

Sometimes our most thrilling personal adventures are also the most alienating.
And that is how I currently feel about adoption.

I feel like we are on this amazing adventure and, because it's indescribably difficult already, it yields a deep-in-my-soul kind of joy and anticipation. And other people seem to totally miss that.

I was in the copy room at work the other day, chatting with a co-worker about how lucky we are to be in the parenting minority that has never experienced projectile poop. I told him that I'm bracing myself for the worst with Cash baby #2 ... there is no way we will be that lucky twice. He turned in excitement and asked me if I'm pregnant, to which I responded with a resounding "no, no no." And then I told him that Josh and I are in the process of adopting.
He turned back to the copier and distractedly said, "That's cool." No questions, no excitement. Maybe I was reading into his response -- it would not be the first time that I over thought something.
But my heart sunk. Is the process of adopting not comparable to being pregnant? Is it not equally exciting to add to our family through someone else's womb?

This is the loneliness of my heart for this season. I am (quite literally) an expectant mother, but few people acknowledge me as such. And when they hear about our journey, they usually respond with confusion, an understandable ignorance, or unintentional dismissal.
We are talking about baby names, slowly collecting sweet little gifts and dreaming about our child. But people must assume that adoptive parents don't have this season of preparation/expectation like traditionally pregnant families. No congratulations offered until there is a baby in our arms, I guess.

In trying to manage my own heart in this season, I am so thankful to be understood and known at the foot of the cross. I am thankful to serve a God who is oh-too-familiar with the concept of waiting for His adoptive children to land in His arms.
I can't imagine how people walk this path without the gracious, tender presence of the Father's adoptive heart.
I want to forever remember this season of my journey ... because I can't be the only person who feels profoundly alienated in some sphere of life. I want to remember how God's heart beats with my own, so that I can sympathetically lead the alienated to the Omniscient One, the One who knows that which otherwise falls on deaf ears.

And, though misunderstood, I will remain expectant.

Visual Lethargy

I have been reading the book "Dangerous Calling" (Paul David Tripp) for a project, and keep finding myself with a lot of things to say. This book has been quite the conundrum for me. I don't actually enjoy reading it -- largely because of the author's writing style, but also because the structure isn't intuitive and the purely diagnostic tone can be extremely frustrating. It has, however, prompted a good deal of self-reflection. Even in moments of severe disagreement with the author, I find myself forced to re-examine my motivations and my posture before God.
I can't say conclusively whether I recommend it or not ... in part because I haven't finished it, and also because my actual analysis gets muddled in my strong reactions (both positive and negative) to the content. Hopefully I can decide at some point.

I will spare you the majority of my thoughts ... most of them are either wildly personal or tinged with serious exasperation.
Here is the one tidbit I will share, starting with a passage from the book.

"Artists talk of the the dynamic of visual lethargy, which means that the more you see something, the less you actually see it. On that drive to work the first day, you are conscious of all the sights and sounds. You notice that beautiful grove of ancient trees and that cool modern duplex on the corner. But by your twentieth trip, you've quit noticing, and you're wishing the traffic would move faster so you could get to work, for Pete's sake! Something has happened to you that seems inevitable but is not good. You have quit seeing, and in you failure to see, you have quit being moved and thankful. The beauty that once attracted you is still there to see, buy you don't see it, and you cannot celebrate what you fail to see."

My gut reaction?
"This concept is totally foreign to me as a mother."

Not that every moment of every day I go about glorying in the wonder of my child ... at all. Sometimes all I see in her is a mess, or a tantrum, or a timer counting down the minutes until she goes to bed.
But not a day goes by where I don't have at least one awe-moment. Where I really see her ... her sweet soul, her feisty spirit, her beautiful person. And this is not something I have to muster up, but rather a spontaneous response to being near to her.

[Brief interlude for pictures of aforementioned baby ... pictures that I can't stop looking at. And sending to people. And making Josh look at.]

This one is a teaser from our family picture session with Kevin Scheidt

Ok, so back to what I was saying.

So I started to wonder ... why would I have visual lethargy with some things (like my drive to work), but not with my daughter or husband?

It's because they are dynamic. Two weeks ago, Phoenix would just sit and watch me play patty cake. Now she joins in clapping. Two weeks ago, Josh would have gagged at the idea of eating tofu. But he has eaten it twice this week and LIKED IT (what!?).
I keep falling in love with Josh and Phoenix every day because I have never discovered the depths of who they are. Even if I were close, they are both constantly changing. Real loving means braving uncharted territory everyday, which (though sometimes scary or intimidating) always involves miraculous treasures. No day passes without at least a millisecond of awe.

I have always been drawn to the unchanging character of God. He is faithful, and that truth gives me strength to cling to Him even when my world seems to spin out of control.

But today, I am thankful also for the dynamic spirit of God. I am thankful that it is impossible to have visual lethargy when one's spiritual eyes are fixed on Christ. I am thrilled anew that I have only a grain of knowledge about God, and that He will spend the rest of eternity surprising me. I am a captive audience, waiting with bated breath to see what He reveals next.
And I am humbled that my story of grace is dynamic as well - that forgiveness is a fresh offering every moment, and that my renewal blooms with a simple prayer.

15 Minutes

Phoenix played with my keys for 15 minutes last night while I relaxed on the couch. Sister can't sit still for even thirty seconds, so it was hilarious to watch her wiggle arounds.

The one thing that will keep my wild-woman still? Her nighttime bottle.

Dragon Girl

First of all ... are dragons birds or reptiles?
If their wings make them birds, then my little firebird was a firebird for Halloween.

Cutest little dragon I've ever seen.

 

That picture was take at my moms group Halloween party.

 

The festivities continued last night with a 12Stone staff Trunk-or-Treat party. In case the concept isn't familiar to you, everyone lines up their cars, decorates their trunks and then the kiddies go from car to car for candy.

 

 

 

Here she is hanging out in one of the nursery rooms while daddy worked on the trunk.

 

 

We ate some dinner before heading out to collect candy.

Phoenix ate a hot dog for the first time, and had her first Cheeto. Josh was really upset that I didn't document such a momentous occasion.

 

Here she is actually wearing her dragon hood - I'm lucky she isn't screaming in this picture.

 



 

Maybe it's just because I know her, but I think she is obviously a girl ... she has such a pretty face! But she got called "buddy" so many times last night that I just gave up correcting people. Even when she was wearing a purple sweatshirt and gold sparkly shoes, some old man at Hobby Lobby started talking to her about her future wife. Weird.

 

But we had tons of fun hanging out with our co-workers and trying to guess the parents of each kid that stopped by our trunk.

 

And Phoenix now understands the concept of candy in wrappers ... and she will do anything for some chocolate.

 

 

At the end of the night, when we had taken Phoenix's costume off for the drive home, Josh decided to wear it for a bit.

Love him.

 



 

We had tons of fun and lots of candy (nerd shots, anyone?)!