Birth Mother Panel

I would like to begin this post with a public service announcement: I LOVE BETHANY CHRISTIAN SERVICES. That is all. (No, they didn't pay me to say that. I wish ...)

The reason we love Bethany so much? The adoption classes that we're taking are mind-blowingly awesome. When we left on Monday night, Josh and I agreed that everyone should attend theseclasses. I am conscious of how my world view is expanding and deepening, and we are growing in compassion, empathy, passion, excitement, and awareness.

This week the class was a panel of birthmothers ... four women who had made adoption plans and trusted their child with another family. I have never sat in the company of more courageous people in my life. For whatever reason, birthmothers are stereotyped as teenage drug-addicts who give their children up for adoption out of selfish motivation. But, while I'm sure the occasional birthmom fits that bill, these women blew up any of those preconceived notions. Each of them made an adoption plan precisely because of their parental love, knowing that they couldn't provide appropriately for their child (because of lacking finances, maturity, father figure, etc).

Three of the four ladies had their moms sitting beside them, and that was hands-down the coolest part of the experience. Obviously, none of those mothers were thrilled to find out that their daughters were pregnant -- one admitted to feeling angry and ashamed. But each of them had such a profound respect for their daughter's courageous decision to make an adoption plan ... you could hear it in their words and see it in their eyes. One of the girls hid her pregnancy from her mom until 9 days before the birth, because she knew her mom would encourage an abortion. That mother, with tears in her eyes, said "Noah is alive because of my daughter." I pray that Phoenix will surpass me in faithfulness, courage and obedience ... that she will continue to teach me about God like these women inspired their moms (though, admittedly, I hope there is no teenage pregnancy involved).

We also peeked into the window of their grief, and it was overwhelming. As a mother, I can't imagine the immense hurt and healing involved in making an adoption plan. Interestingly, though, our journey with Phoenix gives me an ounce of understanding and empathy that I would otherwise have missed. For example, one of the girls was talking about being in birthing room at the hospital without a baby. I do know what that feels like. I teared up when while she spoke, because I vividly remember laying in my bed (when I first came home from the hospital) and realizing that I left without my baby. She also mentioned being surrounded by other women receiving balloons and congratulations, when she was in the midst of grief. Yup, I've been there too. It was days after Phoenix's birth before anyone said congratulations to us (I don't blame anyone, because it would have been inappropriate to congratulate me on the trauma we were navigating), and it was unbearably hard to see happy mothers and babies. And, let's be honest, I know what it feels like to get pregnant when that's the last thing you want. Like I said, I still can't imagine what it's like to live where these women do -- but I have at least set foot on the property of their pain. Hopefully, the suffering that Josh and I experience will translate into an appropriate compassion for our child's birthmother.

Apparently it is typical for this particular class to be moving ...  our social worker told us to intentionally remember everything we were feeling. Because, at some point, it is easy to see the birthmother as a "threat" of sorts when she wants information/communication.
Pray that God burns this class on our hearts and minds, so that we can be sensitive, confident and excited about whatever level of openness our birthmother desires.
We are both so thankful that God is taking us on this journey, and for the many ways he has already begun to prepare us!