Please Pray

I read once that "adoption in not for wimps."
No matter how juvenile that sounds, I am quickly learning that it is deeply true.

In all honesty, I am emotionally exhausted by where we are in the process.
A week from today, we have our home visit. In one week, we have to have all our documents complete, a check written and our minds made up about our openness.
And it feels like we keep hitting bumps in the road. Some expensive bumps.
Even things I had crossed of the checklist are weaseling their way back into my world, and I am on the verge of tears at every turn.
Insurance won't pay for blood tests. Need to re-do a drug test (not sketchy, don't worry). Need to get our septic tank inspected ... again. Will-making software won't work on my computer. Every form costs money to fill out. Ugh.
I am not a details person, so that probably makes all of this a hundred times worse.

I have found myself thinking, "Should we even be doing this?" And I hate it. I hate questioning a decision that felt so God-given.

So we need prayer. DESPERATELY.

First, that God would align our will with his own. If these bumps in the road are his way of getting our attention, we want to be sensitive to that.

Second, that we wouldn't be discouraged. Even if God is slowing down our timeline, I want this process to be characterized by hope. Positivity has never really been my strength, and I sometimes have be very intentional about seeing the silver lining. So pray that God imbue us both (but especially me) with an endurant joy.

Third, pray that God would make a way for the paperwork and money to be ready by the 26th.
Pray Isaiah 40:4-5 over us.

"Every valley shall be lifted up,
and every mountain and hill be made low;
the uneven ground shall become level,
and the rough places a plain.

And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed,
and all flesh shall see it together." (ESV)

I keep returning in my heart to the way that God has orchestrated our adoption so far, and I am clinging to the promises he's made to our family.

Fourth, pray that I would trust. My spiritual life has developed a markedly noticeable pattern up to this point. Whatever I want, I don't get. Whatever I don't want, I get. This has always ended up working out in my favor. I didn't want to go to Texas for school, to Philly for ministry, to Church Under the Bridge, or to a megachurch. And I didn't want to get married so soon or have a baby so soon. But those places/experiences/relationships have been the dearest to me, even if God had to drag me into them (kicking and screaming, I might add). So there is this deep-seated fear in my heart that God will say "no" to this adoption because I want it so much. Messed up, eh? Pray against the lie that God withholds good things from his children!

Fifth, pray for our marriage. Pray that this process would strengthen and unite us, not frustrate and distance us.

Sixth, (and most importantly) pray for our child. It is crazy to think that he/she could possibly already be conceived. Pray that he/she would be at the forefront of our hearts and minds, as our treasured prize for running this race.

Not sure where we would be without your prayers -- thanks you again for wearing out your knees on our behalf!