Advent

'Waiting patiently in expectation is the foundation of the spiritual life."
- Simone Weil

Waiting on our second child is lending such depth to my experience of advent this year. I am honestly not sure I even have words for it yet. I just know that waiting with anticipation is one of the more complicated spiritual lessons I have every learned. Oh the waiting is hard ... my heart is groaning the way Paul describes in Romans 8. And I acknowledge that our wait has barely begun - we may have years ahead of us. But I wait with victory assured, clinging to a promise. It is a strange thing to be sure of the end while totally unsure of how it will be accomplished.

I have just the tiniest taste of what Israel must have felt in waiting for the coming Messiah. They knew He was coming, just not when or how. And I'm sure they couldn't have been more surprised by the way in which God chose to keep His promises.

Simone Weil was wise to include the word 'patiently' in her aforementioned description of the spiritual life. God is sowing patience into our hearts as we walk this journey, and I am thankful for it. It would come naturally for me to grow in bitterness as the days pass, beginning to doubt God's faithfulness in orchestrating our family. But, if we allow those seeds of patience to blossom, we can "live with greater confidence even though nothing has changed" (Tripp).

I am hoping that remaining days leading up to Christmas will afford me many more opportunities to learn what it means to wait well. And I am exceedingly thankful that God is faithful to His word, both in gifting my Savior and bringing our child.

An important side note:
We have rescheduled our home visit for December 14th ... that's just over a week away! God has been so good in providing for us, both through some unexpected gifts and a lot of unexpected extra work. Pray that some checks we are expecting come promptly, so that we don't have to reschedule again.
Also, GET PUMPED ... we sure are! It will be so encouraging to get that milestone under our belts and to get our profile book into the hands of potential birthmothers!

Scarves for Sale!

Reader's Digest Version:
Buy a scarf to help us grow our family.
$25 (add $3 for shipping if you need it sent to you). Pick your color of choice from photos below.
Email emily.cash@live.com with your desired color, and indicate if you need it for Xmas.
I will contact you.

Long, Drawn-Out Version:
So, I recently acquired a new skill ... crocheting scarves.
An incredibly talented friend of mine has been helping us to create branding for our adoption ... cool, right? And while talking through some of our fundraising plans, she suggested I could sell scarves. Only problem was, I didn't know how to make them. But she was gracious and patient in teaching me, and now I am ready to start makin' it rain by crocheting!

Honestly, we were trying to wait until our homestudy is finished to make any fundraising efforts ... that way, we would have one large, well-communicated push instead of multiple, potentially conflicting requests for support.

But since there are probably some people out there looking for a philanthropic (or maybe just beautiful) gift for a loved one, now seemed like the right time to sell scarves! So (just as a matter of clarification) if you want to support us, but don't really want a scarf, don't dismay. There will an opportunity later on!

So here is the skinny. They are chunky, loose knit infinity scarves. The one I am wearing in the photo below is doubled around my neck, but I can make it shorter for a single wrap if you prefer. (Sorry for the awkward self-portraiture)

The yarn is super soft (not at all itchy), and the loose crochet makes it look so delicate and pretty!
Here are the colors that I am currently offering.
(Again, sorry for the poor photo quality. It was a late Walmart run, and I could tell I was offending the fabric-section employee by putting the skeins on the ground.)

So there you go! Just email me (emily.cash@live.com) what you want, when you need it, and I will get back to you!

Much love.

Known

Sometimes our most thrilling personal adventures are also the most alienating.
And that is how I currently feel about adoption.

I feel like we are on this amazing adventure and, because it's indescribably difficult already, it yields a deep-in-my-soul kind of joy and anticipation. And other people seem to totally miss that.

I was in the copy room at work the other day, chatting with a co-worker about how lucky we are to be in the parenting minority that has never experienced projectile poop. I told him that I'm bracing myself for the worst with Cash baby #2 ... there is no way we will be that lucky twice. He turned in excitement and asked me if I'm pregnant, to which I responded with a resounding "no, no no." And then I told him that Josh and I are in the process of adopting.
He turned back to the copier and distractedly said, "That's cool." No questions, no excitement. Maybe I was reading into his response -- it would not be the first time that I over thought something.
But my heart sunk. Is the process of adopting not comparable to being pregnant? Is it not equally exciting to add to our family through someone else's womb?

This is the loneliness of my heart for this season. I am (quite literally) an expectant mother, but few people acknowledge me as such. And when they hear about our journey, they usually respond with confusion, an understandable ignorance, or unintentional dismissal.
We are talking about baby names, slowly collecting sweet little gifts and dreaming about our child. But people must assume that adoptive parents don't have this season of preparation/expectation like traditionally pregnant families. No congratulations offered until there is a baby in our arms, I guess.

In trying to manage my own heart in this season, I am so thankful to be understood and known at the foot of the cross. I am thankful to serve a God who is oh-too-familiar with the concept of waiting for His adoptive children to land in His arms.
I can't imagine how people walk this path without the gracious, tender presence of the Father's adoptive heart.
I want to forever remember this season of my journey ... because I can't be the only person who feels profoundly alienated in some sphere of life. I want to remember how God's heart beats with my own, so that I can sympathetically lead the alienated to the Omniscient One, the One who knows that which otherwise falls on deaf ears.

And, though misunderstood, I will remain expectant.

Visual Lethargy

I have been reading the book "Dangerous Calling" (Paul David Tripp) for a project, and keep finding myself with a lot of things to say. This book has been quite the conundrum for me. I don't actually enjoy reading it -- largely because of the author's writing style, but also because the structure isn't intuitive and the purely diagnostic tone can be extremely frustrating. It has, however, prompted a good deal of self-reflection. Even in moments of severe disagreement with the author, I find myself forced to re-examine my motivations and my posture before God.
I can't say conclusively whether I recommend it or not ... in part because I haven't finished it, and also because my actual analysis gets muddled in my strong reactions (both positive and negative) to the content. Hopefully I can decide at some point.

I will spare you the majority of my thoughts ... most of them are either wildly personal or tinged with serious exasperation.
Here is the one tidbit I will share, starting with a passage from the book.

"Artists talk of the the dynamic of visual lethargy, which means that the more you see something, the less you actually see it. On that drive to work the first day, you are conscious of all the sights and sounds. You notice that beautiful grove of ancient trees and that cool modern duplex on the corner. But by your twentieth trip, you've quit noticing, and you're wishing the traffic would move faster so you could get to work, for Pete's sake! Something has happened to you that seems inevitable but is not good. You have quit seeing, and in you failure to see, you have quit being moved and thankful. The beauty that once attracted you is still there to see, buy you don't see it, and you cannot celebrate what you fail to see."

My gut reaction?
"This concept is totally foreign to me as a mother."

Not that every moment of every day I go about glorying in the wonder of my child ... at all. Sometimes all I see in her is a mess, or a tantrum, or a timer counting down the minutes until she goes to bed.
But not a day goes by where I don't have at least one awe-moment. Where I really see her ... her sweet soul, her feisty spirit, her beautiful person. And this is not something I have to muster up, but rather a spontaneous response to being near to her.

[Brief interlude for pictures of aforementioned baby ... pictures that I can't stop looking at. And sending to people. And making Josh look at.]

This one is a teaser from our family picture session with Kevin Scheidt

Ok, so back to what I was saying.

So I started to wonder ... why would I have visual lethargy with some things (like my drive to work), but not with my daughter or husband?

It's because they are dynamic. Two weeks ago, Phoenix would just sit and watch me play patty cake. Now she joins in clapping. Two weeks ago, Josh would have gagged at the idea of eating tofu. But he has eaten it twice this week and LIKED IT (what!?).
I keep falling in love with Josh and Phoenix every day because I have never discovered the depths of who they are. Even if I were close, they are both constantly changing. Real loving means braving uncharted territory everyday, which (though sometimes scary or intimidating) always involves miraculous treasures. No day passes without at least a millisecond of awe.

I have always been drawn to the unchanging character of God. He is faithful, and that truth gives me strength to cling to Him even when my world seems to spin out of control.

But today, I am thankful also for the dynamic spirit of God. I am thankful that it is impossible to have visual lethargy when one's spiritual eyes are fixed on Christ. I am thrilled anew that I have only a grain of knowledge about God, and that He will spend the rest of eternity surprising me. I am a captive audience, waiting with bated breath to see what He reveals next.
And I am humbled that my story of grace is dynamic as well - that forgiveness is a fresh offering every moment, and that my renewal blooms with a simple prayer.

15 Minutes

Phoenix played with my keys for 15 minutes last night while I relaxed on the couch. Sister can't sit still for even thirty seconds, so it was hilarious to watch her wiggle arounds.

The one thing that will keep my wild-woman still? Her nighttime bottle.

Dragon Girl

First of all ... are dragons birds or reptiles?
If their wings make them birds, then my little firebird was a firebird for Halloween.

Cutest little dragon I've ever seen.

 

That picture was take at my moms group Halloween party.

 

The festivities continued last night with a 12Stone staff Trunk-or-Treat party. In case the concept isn't familiar to you, everyone lines up their cars, decorates their trunks and then the kiddies go from car to car for candy.

 

 

 

Here she is hanging out in one of the nursery rooms while daddy worked on the trunk.

 

 

We ate some dinner before heading out to collect candy.

Phoenix ate a hot dog for the first time, and had her first Cheeto. Josh was really upset that I didn't document such a momentous occasion.

 

Here she is actually wearing her dragon hood - I'm lucky she isn't screaming in this picture.

 



 

Maybe it's just because I know her, but I think she is obviously a girl ... she has such a pretty face! But she got called "buddy" so many times last night that I just gave up correcting people. Even when she was wearing a purple sweatshirt and gold sparkly shoes, some old man at Hobby Lobby started talking to her about her future wife. Weird.

 

But we had tons of fun hanging out with our co-workers and trying to guess the parents of each kid that stopped by our trunk.

 

And Phoenix now understands the concept of candy in wrappers ... and she will do anything for some chocolate.

 

 

At the end of the night, when we had taken Phoenix's costume off for the drive home, Josh decided to wear it for a bit.

Love him.

 



 

We had tons of fun and lots of candy (nerd shots, anyone?)!

Thankful

Josh and I waited until Friday morning to call our social worker to cancel our home visit - we were giving God every last minute to miraculously provide the money for us.

But by Thursday afternoon, I was getting the feeling that maybe things wouldn't end up going according to plan. Trying to fight my glass-half-empty tendencies, I sat outside with Phoenix waiting for the mail. At that point, it was the only remaining logical avenue for provision, so I flexed my hope muscles by sitting in the driveway.

And, while simultaneously disheartened by our current circumstances, I was overwhelmingly thankful for that moment. I was watching my tiny brown-eyed-beauty crawl excitedly around our driveway, charging toward pinecones and then proudly lifting them up to show me. She was fearless in adventuring through piles of pine needles to seek leaf treasures, which she would hand to me whenever she stopped by my lap for some more banana-snack. I was just enthralled with her. To think that I so vehemently questioned God's plan when she came my way is so crazy in retrospect. I can't imagine a life without those squishy cheeks, that sweet-but-stubborn spirit and those doe eyes.

So I'm trusting the God who made my heart to love Phoenix Ethel, because he's orchestrating our adoption the same way.

And, more than usual, I am thankful for the support and ministry of my amazing friends. Phone calls, game nights and hugs have been the hand of God to my heart this weekend.
One such friend offered a much-needed reminder in this (hopefully short) time of silence from God. Essentially, she reminded me that when God is silent, you just cling to the last thing He said.

He seems silent on our adoption now, so we cling to his last words. Silence doesn't mean He changed His mind ... it means that He already told us "Yes."

Can't wait to see how His "yes" plays out in our life!

No Home Visit Today

Well, it looks like things are slowing down for us on the adoption front.
We called this morning to cancel our home visit because we don't have the money to pay for it. Even close.

The bad news? There are some broken hearts in the Cash house this morning.
Adoption is the hardest thing I've ever done ... especially right now.
This morning I said to Josh, "Maybe I should just get pregnant." WHAT!? That's how you know this is wrecking me.

The good news? All the paperwork is done and our house is the cleanest it's been since we moved in. If anyone wants to come stay with us, we would be incredible hosts right now!

Honestly, it feels like we called down fire from heaven and were left standing in front of a waterlogged altar. We still believe that God is capable, but we're just trying to figure out what this means for us going forward.

PLEASE pray for clarity on next steps. We feel like God is silent in the process right now, but we are so desperate to hear Him speak.

We know that there will definitely be a time for asking for help -- and we are so thankful that people in our life are eager and willing. But the bulk of our need comes AFTER the homevisit, and hopefully we will qualify for a non-profit that can make people's donations tax-deductible. So I think we are just going to have to delay the visit until we can save up the money.

Things I am repeating to myself this morning:
- "You are too wise to ever make a mistake, too loving to ever do anything unkind."
- Isaiah 49:4 "But I said, 'I have labored in vain; I have spent my strength for nothing at all. Yet what is due me is in the Lord’s hand,and my reward is with my God.'"
- I would rather be a fool in faith than never see the miraculous hand of God.

We are trusting that God is kind and good even when when He answers differently than we planned.

Just keep praying for us ... for diligence in saving, for discernment in hearing from the Lord, for strength to stand against lies and (most of all) for comfort.

My Prayer for Today

"My heart rejoices in You, Lord, for You are my strong shelter in times of trouble and danger and stress, my hiding place to whom I may continually resort ... my Father who lovingly provides for me ... my Shepherd who guides and protects me ... my Champion who upholds my cause as His child and defends my highest interests ... my Bridegroom who delights in me ... my God who is mighty to save, who rests in His love for and rejoices over me with singing, with shouts of joy. You are my inheritance, my share in life, the One who satisfies my longing soul and fills my hungry soul with goodness.
I praise You for Your love and Your wisdom. You are too wise to ever make a mistake, too loving to ever do anything unkind. You act on my behalf, accomplishing what concerns me and fulfilling Your purpose for me as I call on You. Thank You that You love me deeply and tenderly. You are compassionate and gracious, full of lovingkindness, ready to forgive, patiently considerate, and generous beyond imagining. You desire my love and rejoice to do good things for me. You delight to give me the desires of my heart as I delight myself in You. How precious is Your love to me, O God! I sing for joy as I take refuge in the shadow of Your wings!"
- From 31 Days of Praise, Ruth & Warren Myers (emphasis added)

Please Pray

I read once that "adoption in not for wimps."
No matter how juvenile that sounds, I am quickly learning that it is deeply true.

In all honesty, I am emotionally exhausted by where we are in the process.
A week from today, we have our home visit. In one week, we have to have all our documents complete, a check written and our minds made up about our openness.
And it feels like we keep hitting bumps in the road. Some expensive bumps.
Even things I had crossed of the checklist are weaseling their way back into my world, and I am on the verge of tears at every turn.
Insurance won't pay for blood tests. Need to re-do a drug test (not sketchy, don't worry). Need to get our septic tank inspected ... again. Will-making software won't work on my computer. Every form costs money to fill out. Ugh.
I am not a details person, so that probably makes all of this a hundred times worse.

I have found myself thinking, "Should we even be doing this?" And I hate it. I hate questioning a decision that felt so God-given.

So we need prayer. DESPERATELY.

First, that God would align our will with his own. If these bumps in the road are his way of getting our attention, we want to be sensitive to that.

Second, that we wouldn't be discouraged. Even if God is slowing down our timeline, I want this process to be characterized by hope. Positivity has never really been my strength, and I sometimes have be very intentional about seeing the silver lining. So pray that God imbue us both (but especially me) with an endurant joy.

Third, pray that God would make a way for the paperwork and money to be ready by the 26th.
Pray Isaiah 40:4-5 over us.

"Every valley shall be lifted up,
and every mountain and hill be made low;
the uneven ground shall become level,
and the rough places a plain.

And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed,
and all flesh shall see it together." (ESV)

I keep returning in my heart to the way that God has orchestrated our adoption so far, and I am clinging to the promises he's made to our family.

Fourth, pray that I would trust. My spiritual life has developed a markedly noticeable pattern up to this point. Whatever I want, I don't get. Whatever I don't want, I get. This has always ended up working out in my favor. I didn't want to go to Texas for school, to Philly for ministry, to Church Under the Bridge, or to a megachurch. And I didn't want to get married so soon or have a baby so soon. But those places/experiences/relationships have been the dearest to me, even if God had to drag me into them (kicking and screaming, I might add). So there is this deep-seated fear in my heart that God will say "no" to this adoption because I want it so much. Messed up, eh? Pray against the lie that God withholds good things from his children!

Fifth, pray for our marriage. Pray that this process would strengthen and unite us, not frustrate and distance us.

Sixth, (and most importantly) pray for our child. It is crazy to think that he/she could possibly already be conceived. Pray that he/she would be at the forefront of our hearts and minds, as our treasured prize for running this race.

Not sure where we would be without your prayers -- thanks you again for wearing out your knees on our behalf!

 

 

Still Deciding

I'm still trying to decide how I feel about the future of my blogging endeavors. If I am going to do it, then I want to give it the time, effort, planning and vision that goes into any meaningful media. And I haven't quite nailed down whether it is worth it. Or if I even have anything unique to contribute to the blogging community. Hmm ... who knows.

BUT --
All of this reflection has made me think a lot about what blogs/blogging has meant to me, and I found myself surprisingly thankful. When it comes to forms of expression and media, I am admittedly biased towards books. God himself is on my side ... when he wanted to communicate truth to his people, we got a book (the Bible, in case anyone was confused). And I still love books ... ardently. But blogs have found a place in my life, and, interestingly, in my heart.

Here's why.
1. Because, when I found out that I was very unexpectedly pregnant, I hated the idea of becoming a mom. Obviously, this was something that I would have to get over. My mommyhood-hating remedy? Mom blogs. There was one particular blogger that made motherhood sound like the greatest adventure, and it gave me just an inkling of hope that my life wasn't ruined. And the more blogs I read, the more I believed that maybe being a mother could end up being one of the great joys of my life. And blogs continue to inspire my parenting, to imbue me with creativity and to encourage me in exhaustion. I often find myself thinking "you too?" while reading mommy blogs ... and that solidarity (even with people I've never met) has been indescribably life-giving.
2. Since our budget requires eating at home most nights, I have had to start cooking/meal planning. I don't know how anyone did this before the Internet, but blogs are the reason that we survive on home-cooked meals. When we first got married, Josh ate a lot of tacos and I ate a lot of frozen Trader Joe's entrees. Enter aforementioned baby (and all her expenses) ... now we eat so well at home! We eat a minimally-processed, mostly organic diet -- with A LOT of variety. If eating at home meant casseroles every night, we would've given up months ago. But blogs have given us so many wonderful meals! And I have found online cohorts for my baking addiction; though not good for the budget, baking is always so fun for me!
3. Because blogging about Phoenix's birth/NICU stay was not only informative for all the wonderful people who were praying for us, but it was hugely therapeutic for me. It gave me a recurring reason to sort through my experiences and feelings, and it gave me a taste of leading through personal hardship.
4. Because it is a fun window into other people's worlds! Granted, it is largely the good stuff -  in other words, fashion bloggers don't take pictures in their jammies. Even though it is edited, I love to see the creativity, self-expression, intentionality, devotion and love that exist in the lives of other people. Maybe that makes me a creeper ... or maybe just a people-appreciator.
5. Reading blogs inevitably leads me to wonderful little corners of the internet where I learn new things. I come out of such corners with a new favorite quote or artist, a new word or paradigm, a new craft or new style strategy (anyone else notice that the front-tuck is making a comeback?), a tattoo idea or verse to memorize. And the summation of those little thought-trinkets ends up being a meaningful contribution to my life.

So no matter what decision lies on the horizon for my personal blog, I will always be thankful for blogging!

Long Overdue Update

Sorry for the absence.
Candidly, I am trying to figure out what place blogging has in my life, if any. If it is just for the grandparents to stalk Phoenix, then I'm not sure it's worth it. Up to this point, my processing has left me silent. But I have had so many people (lovingly) ask us about what's going on with the adoption, that I want to update the masses.

Here is what has happened since I last blogged:

8/31 - Joint Interview
This was the official beginning of our homestudy process! It wasn't actually an interview at all ... our awesome social worker just walked us through the 70 page homestudy packet, making sure we understood it all. That was pretty much it.

9/8 - CPR Class
Shout out to my awesome sister who watched Phoenix for several hours while Josh and I went to this class. The lady who taught it was the best part ... otherwise, it was pretty standard.

9/13 - Individual Interviews
For these interviews, Josh and I had to each do a "self-study." Translation: we each answered several pages of questions about our personality, upbringing, family dynamic, parenting, schooling, walk with Christ, friendships, marriage, sexual relationship, goals and our own parenting philosophy. It was EXHAUSTING. I complained my way through the 15 pages of answers. That's right ... our poor social worker read around 30 pages about our lives BEFORE our interviews. Even though I hated it, it forced me to thoroughly think through how I was parented, what I want to build into my children, and how I plan to partner with Christ (and Josh) in molding their hearts.
[Shameless pride: Our social worker told me that I had some of the best answers to the parenting section that she'd ever heard. Boom]
We "passed," although the purpose was more for our social worker to know us well enough to write our homestudy document.

9/25 - Waiting Family Dinner
Although we aren't technically "waiting" until our homestudy is complete, we were invited to this potluck that included both international and domestic adoptions. The topic? "Tools of the Trade for Interracial/Intercultural Adoption." It was really interesting ... mostly because it clarified arenas of our life where we can be more intentional about diversity. She also gave suggestions of books/toys that normalize diversity ... so I know what we will be introducing into Phoenix's toy/book box in the coming months.

What's happing now ...
We are wading through paperwork hell. Ink and live-scan fingerprints, 911 records, septic tank inspections, financial documentation, blah, blah, blah. I understand cognitively why this is all important ... a birthmom shouldn't have to worry about the history/character of potentional adoptive parents. But it's obnoxius because I know they aren't going to find anything sketchy in my past ... no crimes, no domestic disturbances, just one or two late payments.
We need SO MUCH PRAYER for all this paperwork. Pray for diligence in completing tasks and favor in the processing (so that our fingerprints don't sit on someone's desk for weeks).

10/26 - Home Visit
This is the day that our social worker will come to make sure our house is clean, safe, and child-appropriate. She will also collect all our paperwork and a very large check.
One last large prayer request: when she comes to our home, she will talk through our level of "openness." Between now and then, Josh and I need to decide what we are willing to accept when it comes to race, birthparent medical/emotional history, and potential birth complications/defects. We want to honor God in the process, and make decisions that our right for our family.

Whew. Expect to hear from us on the 26th or 27th!

Happy Faithful Day, Phoenix!

Yesterday was Phoenix's developmental birthday ... and what we have chosen to call her "Faithful Day."

God doesn't take remembrance lightly ... the word "remember" is thread so frequently throughout scripture that it seems vital to our spirituality. God established the Passover feast as a vehicle for remembrance, Joshua built an altar of twelve stones to remind generations of how God brought them
over the Jordan, Jesus instituted Communion to aid us in remembering his sacrifice, and Paul was constantly urging the church to remember what God had done and said.

The best part of our call to Remember? We remember God because he first remembered us. He has been faithful to his covenant with us, has engraved us on the palms of His hands, has delivered us from slavery, and remembered us on the cross.

Deuteronomy 6:10-12 warns, "When the Lord your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you—a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant—then when you eat and are satisfied,  be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery."

We have chosen to be very intentional in remembering the ways that God has brought us in to our own little promised land.  One way we do this?

Set reminders in the center of our home! This is our mantle ... complete with the art piece Josh and I gave each other as a wedding present (Sundara Art), a picture from our wedding and our 'remember' jar. It holds trinkets that remind us of they way that God has built metaphorical cities, houses, wells and vineyards in our life. For example, we have a little house charm to remind us of God's providence in finding our house and Phoenix's NICU bill as a reminder of God's provision.
As our kids get older, not only will we make a habit of looking through these trinkets and speaking about what God has done, but they will get to contribute to the jar!

We want to make a big deal of celebrating the work of God in our family ... which brings me back around to Phoenix's faithful day.
I am so grateful for the unique ways that God is adding to our family -- especially because it means that each of our children will have a day to celebrate God's timing in their life! For Phoenix, it's her due date. We obviously expected a certain timeline and experience for her birth, but the Lord had something so different in store. We believe that her early days have set the trajectory for her life ... that she will forever stand in the victory of Christ, sustained by His power and set aflame for Him. And that is worth celebrating. For our next child, his/her faithful day will be the date the adoption is finalized, because we believe that his/her early days will set a trajectory as well!

So what will we practically do on these "faithful days?" Make our child feel special and celebrated, remember the work of God and proclaim big dreams for the future!

Yesterday, we celebrated as a family by mixing up our routine and going out to dinner.
First we stopped a sweet little bookstore in Decatur to get a little present for Phoenix:

Multicultural, indestructible book? Yes please!
 

After dinner, Phoenix got her very own piece of cake (which she almost finished by herself). We tried to take a picture with the cake, but sister couldn't wait ...

It was fun to eat out, explore and celebrate together!
How does your family "remember"?

Our Last Adoption Class

Josh and I are officially done with our adoption classes -- woohoo for milestones!

On 8/20, our last class was about infant care. Admittedly, I was annoyed that we had to go to this class ... seeing as we are not strangers to caring for an infant. It was actually helpful, though; Phoenix isn't a little baby anymore, so it was nice to have a little refresher on the things that lie ahead for us. And I forgot how much Phoenix's NICU stayed changed our newborn parenting experience. I never had to take care of an umbilical cord, for example. And she was already on schedule of sorts when she came home. So there is new and exciting territory for us to explore ... and it gave me the new-mommy-scared-to-death feelings that I described HERE. And I can't wait to be in over my head with another baby!

I have had lots of questions about our timeline, so I will let you know our best guess.
This Friday (8/31), Josh and I start the homestudy process with our first joint interview. After that, we each have individual interviews and then a home visit. The timing of that totally depends on our timeliness in filling out paperwork and the availability of our social worker. Most likely, it will be around mid-October when we are done with all of that. After all our documents are submitted, our social worker has 45 days to write up our official home study. During that 45 days, my free time will be devoted to making our profile book. After our homestudy is officially complete, our profile can be shown to birthmoms (probably early December)! And the waiting officially begins ... though my heart would argue the waiting began years ago.

The average wait? 9 months. So if everything about our adoption is perfectly average, we are looking at a placement about a year from now. Though it could be much sooner (at the VERY EXTREME earliest, December), or much later.

So here's how you can pray for us in the coming weeks:
1. We have a LOT of paperwork to fill out. Every detail of our lives (childhood, mental and physical health, finances, marriage, etc) gets put down on paper. Pray diligence and endurance for us, and that we would find the right words to describe ourselves, our family, what we believe, what we want to pursue, and how we parent.
2. When we have our homevisit, we owe Bethany $1,500 for the homestudy and $2,000 for "networking fees" (meaning we pay them in advance to find a birthmother for us). We are saving for the homestudy cost, but will be asking for help with the networking fees. More on that in the future. But just pray God's provision for us!

Love you all!

Sorry for the Absence ...

Gosh, it's been a little while since I've written anything. I have no viable excuses -- discipline has been lacking a bit in my life lately, and my unintentional writing sabbatical is the sour fruit of my unmotivated spirit.

But here I am again.

There are two adoption classes (the last two) that you haven't heard about.

On 8/6, Bethany's lawyer came to talk us through the legal facet of adoption. Honestly, I haven't posted about it because (a) I largely didn't understand it and (b) because there isn't much worth sharing. We just got a window into the typical process, and we left with a packet to help us wade through adoption terminology (like the difference between a legal father and biological father).
Long story short, you can just pray for the most uncomplicated process possible -- ideally, both the birthmother and father (or fatherS, depending on the situation) surrender their rights by the time the baby ends up in our home, streamlining both the termination of rights and the legal adoption itself.

That night, we also talked about our profile books. We have to make a book that essentially markets our family to potential birthmothers -- illustrating who we are, what we like to do, what is important to us, etc. This is exciting, terrifying and overwhelming to me. Exciting because I love our little family, and I think it will be fun to get to share who we are. Terrifying because it will play a vital role in getting chosen by a birthmother. Overwhelming because I know it will take a considerable amount of time and effort, and I can already feel my inner perfectionist rearing her ugly head. I am starting to compare album-making websites (Mixbook, blurb, mpix, etc), and making mental notes of things to include in our book. Let me know if you have had good experiences with a specific company!
Here is a very tangible way you can help us ... send us any pictures that you have of our family (even if it's not all three of us)! Birthmommies love pictures ... understandably. It would be tedious to wade through several books that were primarily text, so the more pictures we have, the better! Just email them to me at emily.cash@live.com. And, if you think something about our family is especially worth mentioning, let me know. I don't want to miss out on something that other people appreciate about us. You are welcome to send me things you don't like about us too ... just to even the scales (just know that it probably won't make an appearance in the book).
As inconsequential as it seems, please pray over the process of making this book. We want to accurately and authentically represent our family, while simultaneously showcasing the gifts that God has given us in parenting and life. And pray that I don't throw my computer at the wall -- most of the experimenting I have done with formatting has left me inordinately frustrated.

And last week's class? Well, nothing to tell. We showed up, and no one else was there. The class was cancelled and moved to this coming Monday, and I just hadn't seen the email. Story of my life. So expect to hear more after our make-up class!

Thanks for walking with us!

Our Adoption Class (Last Week)

Sorry that I am just now getting around to writing about our adoption class from last Monday (7/30) – we were gone in Indiana for several days. We were focused on surviving the two 10-hour drives, a high fever from Phoenix, lack of sleep and some shared sickness. Hence, no blog.

Our latest class was about openness and interracial adoptions; heavy topics, to say the least.

For those unfamiliar with (domestic infant) adoption terminology, openness refers to the degree of contact that the adoptive family has with the birthmother. As I understand it, closed adoptions, which used to be fairly standard, involve no contact between birthmother and child. Once the child is placed, there is no flow of information/communication. Semi-open adoptions usually involve the adoptive family regularly updating the birthmother on the status of the child, but no identifying information is exchanged. Communication, and potentially some visits, go through the agency, and the birthmother wouldn’t have the adoptive family’s address or phone number (or vice versa). In an open adoption, however, that identifying information is on the table, the two families see each other a predetermined number of times per year, and the child has a working knowledge of her/his birthmother. It’s not so much that there are three distinct options, but rather a spectrum of situations.

In our class, we talked about how openness benefits all parties in the adoption triad (adoptive family, child, birthmother), and, as a result, adoptions are trending toward increasing amounts of openness. It didn’t take a lot of convincing for us to get onboard with the idea of an open adoption – it would provide us with ongoing access to medical information, provide our child with life-giving information about his/her heritage, and provide the birthmother with both closure and reassurance about her choice.

The degree of openness is really up to the birthmother – they will only show our profile to birthmothers whose wishes correspond to our willingness.

Ideally, our birthmother will be interested in an open adoption, and will be a healthy presence in our ‘extended’ family. Please pray this for us!

Interracial adoption was also a no-brainer for us. In fact, when adopting through Bethany, you have to be open to interracial adoption if you have a biological child. We are not ignorant to the challenges this poses, for both us and our potential child. But I know that God is committed to racial reconciliation, and scripture suggests that families are a favorite choice for His work in the world. We would be thrilled if that was part of our adoption story, and we are more than willing to do the work it requires. I could ramble for days about this – it’s a personal soapbox. But I will spare you … for now.

How can you pray for us in this arena?

The circles we run in are, frankly, extremely WHITE. This reality weighs heavy on my heart – in fact, one of the reasons we go grocery shopping where we do (Dekalb Farmers Market) is so that Phoenix will be exposed to different colors and cultures. But I crave so much more than superficial contact with people of other races/cultures. And I believe that it is crucial for our children to see us in authentic relationship with people who look different than us – especially if we end up doing an interracial adoption. So pray that God would lead us into interracial relationships NOW, for our own sake and so our future child can have role models with the same skin color.

Thank you for your continued prayer and support!

Coupon Virgin?

I am a couponer. There ... I admitted it.

And it has been a really good thing for our family. We really don't save a ton on food, because there aren't many coupons for produce or organic food. But it is worth every minute of my time because of all the money we save on personal care products (soap, makeup, deoderant, toothpaste, etc).

If you want to try your hand at saving big dollars, head to RiteAid this week!

See in the top right corner where it says those toothbrushes/toothpaste/mouthwash cost $3? Well, it also says that you get $3 in +UP rewards for every purchase. Translation? Free stuff.

Just sign up for a free +UP card and amaze your family. No coupons required for this trial run.
I usually do multiple transactions, so that I don't end up with a bunch of rewards to a particular store. Buy some toothpaste, then use those rewards for a toothbrush. You walk out with two items, having only spent $3, and you have $3 in rewards to use next week (when there are new awesome deals).

Find out what it it's like to get free stuff! If you have a coupon for those things, even better! Then you MAKE money off the transaction!

Someday I make post more about how I coupon for our household ... but, for now, this is an easy in!

New Job

Guess it's time to update my small blog following on something new in my life ... a job! Well, it's really not all that new anymore ... I accepted the job about 6 weeks ago.

I am working for 12Stone® again, but this time at our Flowery Branch campus. The existing administrative assistant at the campus didn't have the margin in her schedule for all that was being asked of her, so I am taking some stuff off her plate (about 15 hours/week). In other words, I am doing data entry, check requests, corporate card reconciliations, errands, etc. Thrilling? Well, no. Not really.
But I have several reasons to be thankful for this job:

• No matter how menial the task, it is extremely life-giving for me to contribute to the world outside our home. I love being at home with Phoenix and all that entails, but it is good for my spirit to have tasks and accomplishments not related to her. Plus, I get to have adult conversations more often ... thank the Lord!
• I can do most of my work from home ... which means we don't have to put Phoenix in daycare. Translation: I can continue to fight for no TV, lots of quality time, snuggles, healthy food, and all the other things that matter to us at this stage in her development (and working mostly from home means I can go on looking like a hot mess 80% of the time). However, this does mean I have to find around 10 baby-free hours in my week ... which means waking up a couple hours before Phoenix. Maybe when it's all said and done, I will have turned into a morning person.
• It pays money. This may seem like an obvious one, but having this extra income is a game-changer for us. We were pretty much just making it month-to-month, and now we will actually be able to save! This has lifted a lot of financial pressure from our little family, and Josh and I are both breathing much easier.
• I love the people I work with. Obviously, I love being around 12Stone®, but I especially love the Flowery Branch team. Several of them are friends that I see regularly, and everyone that I have more recently met seems awesome! Being on the bottom of the totem pole isn't so bad when you get to serve amazing leaders/ministers.

To check out my HEINOUS staff picture and profile, check out http://12stone.com/staff-member/emily-cash/. And no, I don't have a snaggle tooth ... it just looks like it.

Birth Mother Panel

I would like to begin this post with a public service announcement: I LOVE BETHANY CHRISTIAN SERVICES. That is all. (No, they didn't pay me to say that. I wish ...)

The reason we love Bethany so much? The adoption classes that we're taking are mind-blowingly awesome. When we left on Monday night, Josh and I agreed that everyone should attend theseclasses. I am conscious of how my world view is expanding and deepening, and we are growing in compassion, empathy, passion, excitement, and awareness.

This week the class was a panel of birthmothers ... four women who had made adoption plans and trusted their child with another family. I have never sat in the company of more courageous people in my life. For whatever reason, birthmothers are stereotyped as teenage drug-addicts who give their children up for adoption out of selfish motivation. But, while I'm sure the occasional birthmom fits that bill, these women blew up any of those preconceived notions. Each of them made an adoption plan precisely because of their parental love, knowing that they couldn't provide appropriately for their child (because of lacking finances, maturity, father figure, etc).

Three of the four ladies had their moms sitting beside them, and that was hands-down the coolest part of the experience. Obviously, none of those mothers were thrilled to find out that their daughters were pregnant -- one admitted to feeling angry and ashamed. But each of them had such a profound respect for their daughter's courageous decision to make an adoption plan ... you could hear it in their words and see it in their eyes. One of the girls hid her pregnancy from her mom until 9 days before the birth, because she knew her mom would encourage an abortion. That mother, with tears in her eyes, said "Noah is alive because of my daughter." I pray that Phoenix will surpass me in faithfulness, courage and obedience ... that she will continue to teach me about God like these women inspired their moms (though, admittedly, I hope there is no teenage pregnancy involved).

We also peeked into the window of their grief, and it was overwhelming. As a mother, I can't imagine the immense hurt and healing involved in making an adoption plan. Interestingly, though, our journey with Phoenix gives me an ounce of understanding and empathy that I would otherwise have missed. For example, one of the girls was talking about being in birthing room at the hospital without a baby. I do know what that feels like. I teared up when while she spoke, because I vividly remember laying in my bed (when I first came home from the hospital) and realizing that I left without my baby. She also mentioned being surrounded by other women receiving balloons and congratulations, when she was in the midst of grief. Yup, I've been there too. It was days after Phoenix's birth before anyone said congratulations to us (I don't blame anyone, because it would have been inappropriate to congratulate me on the trauma we were navigating), and it was unbearably hard to see happy mothers and babies. And, let's be honest, I know what it feels like to get pregnant when that's the last thing you want. Like I said, I still can't imagine what it's like to live where these women do -- but I have at least set foot on the property of their pain. Hopefully, the suffering that Josh and I experience will translate into an appropriate compassion for our child's birthmother.

Apparently it is typical for this particular class to be moving ...  our social worker told us to intentionally remember everything we were feeling. Because, at some point, it is easy to see the birthmother as a "threat" of sorts when she wants information/communication.
Pray that God burns this class on our hearts and minds, so that we can be sensitive, confident and excited about whatever level of openness our birthmother desires.
We are both so thankful that God is taking us on this journey, and for the many ways he has already begun to prepare us!

This Week in Meals

We had a pretty successful week in meals here at the Cash household, with one fairly giant exception (don't worry, I will elaborate).

Here are the things that rocked:

• Roasted Salmon with Lentils -- This has been a favorite for a (relatively) long time at our house. This week was Phoenix's first time trying it, and she loved it! Sister ate her body weight in lentils. Easy, delicious meal with pantry staples? Yes please.
• Italian Breaded Pork Chops (and I can't remember what we ate with it) -- Again, super easy and really good. Josh championed this particular dinner effort, and it was great. I don't make pork a regular part of our rotation, but it is nice to mix it up every once and a while.
• Red Curry Chicken with Rice Salad -- The chicken was good, but the rice salad stole the show. Josh ate all the leftovers. At one point he said, "Is it ok if I eat the rest of the salad?" Who knew such a question would ever come from my husband's mouth. I used a little more serrano than the recipe called for, and it was the spicy factor that really won Josh.
• Carrot-Pistachio Pesto with Bulgar and Chickpeas -- Love this. Fresh, light, healthy ... savory with a touch of sweetness from the currants. So good. We also added some chunks of chicken sausage (from the Dekalb farmers market) to make it more Josh friendly.
• Homemade Pizza -- This is a pretty standard meal in our house. Josh is a pizza addict, and it is an easy way for me to use up whatever veggies we have sitting around. This week, I used olive oil and garlic instead of sauce, loads of spinach, mozarella, feta and lots of black pepper. It was glorious. We just make one big pizza and divide it between us, with Josh getting a substantially bigger half.
• Refried Beans and Homemade Whole Wheat Tortillas -- I am kind of embarrassed to admit that I LOVE refried beans. I can't be the only one, though, since they are a standard side at Mexican restaurants. This version is so easy, and there is no nasty lard involved. Josh was not involved in this meal ... he ate his leftover pizza. But Phoenix and I ate the beans and the (delicious!) tortiallas with tomatoes and avacado.

The fail?
I made "Spinach, Ricotta and Parmesan Gnocchi with Tomato Sauce" from The Meat Free Monday Cookbook. I spent an inordinate amount of time making this, especially because I started by making the ricotta from scratch. When it was all said and done, the gnocchi fell apart, I was in tears and Josh and I got in a fight. We will never make this again. But the cookbook is really cool ... you should check it out.
Anyone had a successful go at making gnocchi?

We Are Really Doing This!

That's right ... Josh and I submitted our formal application to Bethany Christian a couple weeks ago! Honestly, it is a little surreal. Anyone who has just started to see a long-awaited dream realized probably knows the feeling -- I have wanted this for a long time, so it is strange to see the gap between the vision and our reality slowing starting to close.

I have heard so many horror stories of adoption paperwork, but this wasn't nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. I'm sure we have barely scratched the surface of filling out forms and signing our names, but it feels like a major milestone to be considered an officially adopting couple.

The hardest part of the paperwork? Signing this form:

That's our fee contract. We officially committed to pay the $12,500 in fees ($550 of which we have already paid for applications) without having any idea how we are going to do it. When it's all said and done, our adoption will cost $15,000, which includes legal fees and birthmother medical expenses. That is a big, scary number.
And we believe two seemingly contradictory things:
1. God wants us to adopt.
2. God doesn't want us to incur any more debt.
Seeing that we don't have the $15,000 sitting in our bank account, we signed this form on total faith that God will provide for Cash baby #2 just like He did for Phoenix. We should be over $30,000 in debt from Phoenix's birth/hospital stay, but we are debt free. If God can handle thirty grand, I am sure fifteen ain't no thang.
I recently read "The Circle Maker" by Mark Batterson, and it was a perfectly timed read for me in light of this leap of faith. Batterson suggests that we should make huge requests of God, and that He is honored in their fulfillment. When our adoption is finalized, it will be undeniably a work of God's provision alone. Josh and I are fighting in prayer for this, and claiming God's promise to us. Please continue to partner with us in prayer!

We have also started the 6 weeks of adoption classes at Bethany. I missed the first class last week (because of a staff retreat), so last night was the first one for me. There was a panel of three couples who had already gone through the adoption process -- it was simultaneously encouraging and terrifying! Encouraging because they were all holding their babies, and each couple said that everything difficult about the process becomes a distant memory once you hold your child for the first time. Terrifying because we more deeply understand the difficulty of the road ahead. Each of the couples had walked away from a potential match, and had their hopes dashed by at least one birthmother. And one of the couples waited three and half years to bring a baby home -- that is a horribly long time.

It's going to be an emotional roller coaster, for sure. Thankfully, we have had a little practice surviving the unknown.

Here are a couple snippets from the blog while Phoenix was in the NICU:

"I was talking with Miles (a friend and mentor to both Josh and I) about the time that he and his family spent battling his wife's cancer. He said that it would have been easy to feel like they were on a roller-coaster, since her progress was always tainted with periods of regress. But they chose instead to let their emotions be defined by the stability of God's presence and kindness -- and this is what Josh and I are choosing to do. We have no faith in diagnoses or predicted take-home dates, but we have all kinds of faith in the God whose timing is perfect."

"There is this very real part of my subconscious that is raining on my baby's homecoming parade ... what if it doesn't happen? Her healing has certainly not gone according to plan, so why get excited about a date if it might just get changed. I allowed this train of thought for a while ... indulged my pessimism by calling it 'realistic.'
Well, screw that. At the end of the day, I would much rather hang my hat on hope. I am not talking about a flighty, faithless kind of hope, but the bold and virtuous breed. I put my hope in God and in his Word, and I know that He has a wild, intricate and boundless love for my girl. And that doesn't change, no matter how long she is in the NICU.
So I am allowing myself to champion hope ... and to let the goofy grin spread across my face"

I can already see so many ways that God is using Phoenix's birth to prepare us for the adoption road ahead. Just another example of His kindness in molding us.

We have an amazing opportunity ahead to operate out of that kindness and His promise, and will keep updating you on the journey!

Cloth Diapering with the Cashs

This post has been a long time coming ... mostly because I have been asked so many questions about CDing, but haven't had the energy/time to thoroughly answer them.
So for all the believers, haters and wonderers .... here is what cloth diapering looks like for us.

Phoenix when we first switched to cloth

Cute little cloth booty (Taken this AM)

Why do you cloth diaper?
1. It is WAY cheaper. Our little family functions on a ministry salary, which means every dollar we save is a victory. Cloth diapers are especially economical for us because we registered for them, so we were gifted most of the diapers at showers. (a resounding "THANK YOU!" to anyone who bought us a diaper ... not a glamorous gift, but we are so grateful!)
2. It is WAY better for the environment. Granted, the extra laundry isn't the greenest thing in the world. But disposables (or, as we call them around here ... "sposies") are pretty much the worst thing you can do for the environment. It's fun to know we are doing our little part for Mother Earth, and we have less trash to haul to the curb each week.
3. It is better for Phoenix. No weird chemicals near her skin ... just soft fleece. She has only had diaper rash maybe 3 times in the past year, and its usually because of an all-night poopy diaper. We use cloth wipes too, so I'm not wiping things I can't pronounce all over my baby's skin. It makes a mama feel good.
4. It is so freakin cute. Ok, so that's not really a motivation ... just a side benefit.

Would you do it again? Would you recommend it?
I would do it again in a heartbeat. For all the reasons listed above, and because it's really not that big of a deal. For whatever reason, people seem to think that it is a huge time commitment - lie. Unless the 10 total minutes it takes to throw stuff in the wash, switch it out, and stuff diapers is time you don't have to spare. And it's not much grosser than sposies. Come on, people ... a dirty diaper is a dirty diaper.

How does Josh feel about cloth diapering?
Admittedly, it was a hard transition from disposables to cloth once Phoenix was big enough. But, when I just asked him if he would make the choice to do cloth again, he said yes. In his words, "Sometimes its grosser, but it's not a game changer. It's really not a big deal." Most of the men I meet are terrified by the idea of CDing ... if your man falls into that category, just have him talk to Josh.

Does Phoenix seem to prefer one way or another?
Because our diapers wick moisture away from her skin, she doesn't feel any wetter than she would with a sposie. So she really doesn't seem to care ... she doesn't fuss any more with cloth or disposables.

What kind of cloth diapers do you use? What would you recommend?
We have 3 Bumgenius and 11 Charlie Banana diapers -- all of them are one-size, snap, pocket diapers. It didn't make a lot of sense to me to buy sized diapers ... that just means more money. One-size diapers are meant to carry your baby from birth to potty training, which means they are really versatile. We chose snaps over Velcro because they hold up better in the long run ... Velcro (or "hook and loop") are a little bit easier to get onto a wiggly baby, but we are going for longevity. And we chose pocket diapers over all-in-ones (which are the most like disposables) because they are SO much easier to launder and you can customize the absorbency. During the day, she only has one insert/soaker in her diaper ... at night, sister has a serious booty with 3 inserts.
We really like both the Bumgenius and the Charlie Bananas, just for different reasons.

Bumgenius on the left, Charlie Banana on the right

Charlie Banana:

Pros -- They have adjustable elastic around the legs, so they are very trim under clothes. The pocket is at the front, which makes removing the insert much easier with a poopy diaper. The diaper itself has  little bit of stretch to it, which makes them fit really well (just like jeans with a little stretch).
Cons -- They aren't as big as the Bumgenius, which means you can't stick as many inserts inside (we almost never use these for nighttime). And Phoenix is almost to the largest setting on the leg elastic, so I am just hoping that they will be big enough to see her through potty training ... although, she does have some seriously chunky legs, which I imagine will thin out at some point.

Bumgenius:

Pros -- These are a workhorse diaper, for sure. We have never had issues with leaking ... they are incredibly absorbent. They adjust solely with snaps, which makes changing sizes a breeze. The pocket opens really wide, which means I can just shake the insert out into the diaper pail. And we have some cute prints.
Cons -- Biggest con? They are bulkier. Which means Phoenix has to be wearing stretchy pant/shorts in order to fit the diaper. And they don't seem quite a comfortable -- the lining isn't as soft, and the snap-sizing results in folding that seems like it would be bothersome.
We also have one "itti bitti tutto" diaper, but we don't like it. At all. Just don't buy one ... they are insanely expensive anyway. We bought it when we were trying to solve some nighttime wetness issues, but it was a massive fail.
When Phoenix was really small, we also used some old school diapers (prefolds with waterproof cover). Freshies poop ALL THE TIME, and our pocket diaper stash couldn't keep up with her. I really didn't mind prefolds at all, though it is a little bit more complicated to get them on and they don't wick moisture. But they are by far the cheapest way to CD, or a great way to pad your stash. We got sized prefolds and covers, so we don't use them anymore because they don't fit. (But, if you are wondering, we LOVED our Thirsties covers).
Whew.
When baby #2 comes closer, I will probably buy a lot of Kawaii diapers. They are a lot cheaper (around $7/diaper as opposed to around $17 for Bumgenius and Charlie Bananas), and I have heard good things about them.

How often do you do diaper laundry?
About every day and a half. When we are down to 4 clean diapers, we start the laundry process. You really don't want to leave dirty diapers sitting around for more than 2 days anyways, so having 12-18 diapers is great for one babe.

What is involved in washing the diapers?
After I take a dirty diaper off Phoenix, I:
1. Dump poop into the toilet (which, by the way, you are supposed to do with disposables too). Now that Phoenix is eating solids, it usually will just fall right off of the diaper. If not, we have a diaper sprayer/bidet attached to our toilet (we have THIS one, but I am sure they are all pretty similar). If your baby is exclusively formula/breast fed, than you can skip this step. Sorry to be graphic, but their liquid poop just dissolves in the laundry.
2. Pull/shake the insert out of the pocket into our diaper pail, and then throw the pocket in too (at this point, the cloth wipe is already in there) We just use a regular trash can and a Planet Wise Pail Liner, which we just throw into the wash with the diapers.
3. When we are down to 4 clean cloth diapers (which is just what works for us), I take the liner out of the trash can, dump the diapers into the washing machine, turn the pail liner inside out and throw it in too. We do a cold rinse, a hot wash, and a cold rinse. I tried to skip the rinses in the early days, but the diapers didn't get as clean and it affected absorbency. I promise, our water bill is totally reasonable!
4. When the washes are done, I put the inserts in the dryer and lay the pockets on a drying rack (preferably outside, if the weather permits). This is why pockets are so much better than AIO's (all-in-ones) ... the waterproofing layer is damaged by the dryer, but inserts take forever to air dry. So if they are stuck together, you are talking about a really long drying time. I also use wool dryer balls, which cut down on drying time for all our laundry, and thus save us more money.
5. Theoretically, I then stuff the dried diapers with clean inserts and bring them upstairs to Phoenix's changing table. Sometimes they never make it upstairs, and we just grab a diaper from the basement when we need one.
See? Not that hard.
Just make SURE to use a clean-rinsing detergent ... most regular soap leaves residue, which will seriously hinder the absorbency of your diapers. We use Charlie's soap powder for all our laundry (which I order from Amazon), and LOVE IT. It's biodegradable, non-toxic, clean-rinsing and good for sensitive skin. And cheap, because a tub lasts forever.

Why do you use cloth wipes? How do you wet them?
We use cloth wipes just because it is easier. Instead of having a separate trash can just for disposable wipes, everything goes straight into the diaper pail. And, as I mentioned earlier, I don't have to worry about what is coming into contact with my baby's skin. You can wet them with just water, but I make a solution of mostly water with a tiny squirt of Burt's Bees baby soap, some olive oil and a few drops of tea tree oil. The soap gets her real clean, the olive oil helps the wipe slide across her skin (and leaves it soft) and the tea tree oil is antibacterial and it smells amazing. After the CD laundry is done, I just wet all the wipes and place them in a regular wipes container.

Other tricks of the trade?
- Make sure to give new diapers a few hot-water washes before using them. I learned the hard way that they are not absorbent until they have been stripped of any oils.
- You can't use regular diaper cream with CDs ... because the oils make them repel wetness (bad thing). Since cloth is so good for baby skin, you might not ever need diaper cream anyways. But the few times Phoenix has has diaper rash, we just use disposables until it clears up.
- Cloth diapering on the go is really easy if you have a wet bag, because you can just wash them with the diapers. THIS Itzy Ritzy one is my favorite that we have, but our Planet Wise ones work well too.
- The sun is magical. When you leave wet diapers or inserts (or any clothing, for that matter) outside to dry, the sun bleaches out stains. This has been invaluable knowledge since Phoenix has started some self-feeding ... I just put her clothes outside to dry, and they end up stain free (unless the stain has been set in the dryer, or it is a grease stain)!

Do you ever use disposibles?
We make life easier on the nursery volunteers at church by putting Phoenix in sposies on Sunday mornings. We also use them when we go out of town (and I am thankful to come home to cloth), and on the occaision that we fall behind on diaper wash. So we probably use around 4 disposables a week.

The fact that this post was so long probably makes cloth diapering seem really complicated. But once you get into a rhythm, it is so easy!