Hope

It's been an interesting couple of weeks on the adoption front.

Long story short, we found out (in mid-March) that there was a birth mother who had narrowed down her choices to three families, and we were included. Then she narrowed it down to two, and we were still in the running. We held our breath for two weeks while she made a decision, and found out Monday afternoon that she chose the other family.

Theoretically, it should have been just like every other "no." But it wasn't. I won't elaborate on all the circumstances, but we had really high hopes. And it was unbearably hard to be out on a limb for two and a half weeks. Don't get me wrong ... I cannot even fathom how hard her decision was, especially with some complicated factors in play. She is a hero, and that doesn't change because she chose the other family.

But this was the first "no" that was just really hard to hear.

Monday night, after putting Phoenix to bed, I ended up before the Lord, desperate to hear from Him.
The last several months, He has been prompting me to pursue hope during this process. It would be easy for me to have tunnel vision, to focus on the parenting task at hand, and to protect my heart from getting burned along the way. But I feel like God has been asking me to lean into the emotion of this season, and to actively hope. So I've been reading books about hope, seeking hope in scripture and practicing hope with every email about a birth mother. And I spent two and half weeks hoping for that baby girl.
So there I was, sitting in the tub, feeling a little burned by hope. I wasn't devasted, just emotionally exhausted. I am so thankful that God welcomed my frustration with grace, and also with a healthy dose of truth.

The truth? My ultimate hope is in God. And my hope during this process is the promise of our child. So when we hear "no," hope doesn't die. It grows. Every day that passes puts me one day closer to meeting my tiniest love.

As you pray for us, please pray for an extra helping of hope. And pray that we don't have to hope for too much longer (wink wink)!